


Unexpected

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-10
Updated: 2008-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:50:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Regulus/Sirius slash. Expect smut. Sappy, love. Adapted from a series of drabbles.





	1. the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**oo1.**

Regulus remembers vividly. He is four, and Mother can't be bothered to teach him how to tie his shoes.

“Sirius,” she snaps testily, pointing to Regulus with a long, blood coloured fingernail. “Teach your brother how to tie his goddamn shoes.”

She sweeps out, robes dragging across the waxed floor. She is beautiful even though they have no money now. Regulus doesn't know where she gets the money for pretty things, but Father doesn't like it. He always frowns now.

Sirius sits next to Regulus on the stairs.

“It's easy,” Sirius says. Regulus gives him a sceptical look.

Sirius laughs, a soft bell-like sound. Laughter is not encouraged in the house, unless they are in the cloister of their bedrooms. Laughter is not dignified. Especially not Sirius' laughter. Sirius laughs like it hurts. Regulus likes it when they laugh like that.

“Rabbit ears,” he demonstrates deftly. “Around the ears and through the hole.” He pulls the laces into a neat bow.

Regulus deliberately messes up, again and again, just to keep Sirius on the stairs next to him.

 

**oo2.**

Sirius watches Regulus sleep.

Sirius can't remember a time when Regulus wasn't more than a brother. He knows  
that it's sick. He's painfully aware of how disgusting he is. How horrible, depraved he is for touching his younger brother and letting Regulus touch him. He feels like a lecherous old man, preying on the young and weak.

But he drowns in those grey eyes, those grey eyes that mirror his own. He drowns in his little brother's soft curls and skin so translucent you can see the blue veins pulsing beneath. He loses himself in that lilting voice, a cross between a rasp and dulcet bells. He loves, and adores his little brother.

But he can't tell anyone. He can't confess. He can't. Not without losing his friends, his family, his sanity. He'd be thrown into Azkaban for incest, molestation. Horrible words, nasty words, words that don't describe what he has with Regulus.

Regulus is more than a fling, more than those girls he presses up against musty tapestry and gropes casually. Regulus is the pauses between each breath, the end of a sunset. He hates being sappy but Regulus reduces him to little more than a love sick dog. It's amusing, almost.

It was unexpected, he knows that. He knows that he never wanted to be this way, but this is how he is. And he wants to let it go. Let Regulus marry some girl with thick white blonde hair, and blood bluer than the night sky. He wants to run away. But he can't.

 


	2. goodbye.

**oo3.**   


 

Regulus had just finished wrapping the gift and was fixing a silver bow atop the small package when the screaming had started. Mother never knew when to pick and choose her battles. From the words used, and the decibel level, Reg figured that Sirius had been out with his friends or something. Probably for his birthday. As much as he disliked Sirius's friends, he had learned long ago not to fight with his brother about them. Sirius was fiercely loyal to his chosen family, and not even his real brother could dream of such loyalty.

"You dirty mudblood lover!" Mother screeched, her voice reaching new levels of viciousness. "You filthy blood traitor! You don't deserve the family name! If only Regulus-"

"Don't bring him into it, you fucking cow," Sirius yelled.

Regulus froze at the mention of his name, and then flinched at Sirius's response. Not that he blamed his brother- it was rather unfair how Mother invoked his name in order to irk Sirius. Well, perhaps it didn't hurt him in the way that Mother assumed it did.

Remus shoved the wrapped package under his bed. The fight has escalated it seemed, and he knew that there was a possibility he would have to interfere to prevent grievous injury to either party. He wasn't sure why they couldn't well let it alone. But he knew that they were both wildly passionate about their beliefs, and on some level he couldn't blame them for not reconciling. Even he had difficulties listening to Sirius prattle sometimes, and he had enormous patience for his older brother's rants.

He peeked his head out into the hallway, checking to see if Father was around. He'd always prevented Regulus from getting involved, in misbegotten attempt to protect him. Regulus knew very well that Sirius wouldn't hurt him, and Mother would never really injure him. At least not enough to truly scar him, or hospitalise him. He came down the stairs to find them in the hallway, still bickering with heated voices.

"Stop rambling you cunt," Sirius hissed. "You sound like-"

"Sirius?" Regulus interjected softly, "Maybe you should come upstairs-"

"Shut up."

Regulus recoiled as if he'd been slapped. He hated when Sirius got like this: all inflamed and nasty. It was like watching his Mother, only younger and with differing political views. They never understood exactly how much alike they were. It was disturbing almost, to see the semblance.

"You, you little dirty mudblood lover, why don't you go eat their shit, if you like it so much?" Mother pointed at the door, a red fingernail quivering at the handle. "You can leave. I don't want you here, your brother doesn't want you here-"

"Hey-"

"Shut it, Regulus!" Sirius snapped. "That's fine, Mother, I don't mind leaving. In fact, I can't wait to." He turned on his heel and pushed passed Regulus violently up the stairs. Regulus remained frozen on the landing, conflicted. He could follow his brother, or he could comfort his now sobbing mother.

He rushed up the stairs, and it felt like his feet were in molasses, sticky and slow. He couldn't move fast enough. He sprinted down the hall and threw open the door to Sirius's room. It had already been torn upside down. A duffel bag sat on the bed, already half filled with clothes.

"Stop, stop, you can't leave," Regulus pleaded, unable to keep the panic from his voice. "Sirius, please, listen to me..."

"Reg, shut up." His voice was low and dangerous, and Regulus trembled slightly. He felt like a little first year, afraid of the forest and the lake, of everything. But he wanted nothing more than to be a first year again, with his older brother there to protect and guide him.

"Don't leave me," he whispered, unable to keep from grabbing Sirius's arm. Sirius threw him off roughly, and Regulus tripped, falling to the floor. Sirius was at his side in an instant, helping him to his feet.

"You okay?" All traces of his anger were gone, and all that was left was the Sirius that Regulus knew and loved.

"I'm fine," Regulus managed, sniffling slightly. God, he was such a baby. He let Sirius wrap his arms around him and pull him into a tight hug. They were both shaking: Sirius from anger, Regulus from fear. "Please, Sirius, don't leave me..."

"I'm not leaving you," Sirius replied, his mouth twitching. "I'm leaving this..." He gestured to the walls of the house. "I'm leaving the family. There's a difference."

Regulus shook his head and buried his nose in Sirius's neck, trying to memorise the smell there. He knew that arguing with Sirius was futile. One trait they both seemed to share was stubbornness, and he could recognise that bullheaded expression from a mile away. There was no way Sirius was going to even consider changing his mind.

"I love you," Regulus whispered into Sirius's collar, almost hoping the older boy hadn't heard. "Don't leave me."

"I love you too." Sirius stroked his younger brother's hair, struggling not to cry himself. "But I can't, I can't. I can't stay. I don't want to stay here. The only reason I was staying here for so long was to watch out for you... But you can take care of yourself now. And you don't need me anymore-"

"I need you!" Regulus gasped, pulling his head up to look at his brother. "I need you. Please, please, please!"

Sirius shook his head, eyes fixed on Regulus's flushed and miserable face. "Reg, I can't. I'm going insane with her going on and on, I just can't anymore..." He sighed, rubbing his face with one hand, the other tangled in Regulus's hair. "I love you but-"

Regulus stopped his words with his mouth, kissing him fiercely. "You promised, you promised that you'd love me forever and ever," he whispered, pulling away roughly. "You promised." He kissed Sirius again, and he could feel the desolation settling into them both. Sirius kissed him back, almost hesitantly, not like their previous trysts. It was as if he was afraid Regulus would break and shatter into a million fragments. He held him with reluctant hands, cradling him like a child, while Regulus tried to prove desperately that he was anything but Sirius's kid brother.

"You know I love you, and I always will," Sirius murmured between the kisses, his breath ragged with pain. "But-"

"Excuses, excuses," Regulus interjected bitterly. "I'd never been enough. All you want is your stupid friends."

"Reg." The staccato word was a warning. Sirius stared at him, not sternly, but with an edge of reproach. "Don't bring them into this."

Regulus hissed through his teeth, his hand wandering up Sirius's shirt to find the warm skin of his chest. "But how can I not? All you care about is them, what they think of you... living in a house of bigotry. Your own blood, your own family, not good enough for you." He twisted Sirius's nipple, eliciting a sharp inhale of breath.

"Reg, I can't..." Sirius feebly tried to push away his brother's hands, but Regulus knew that it was more act than true rejection.

"Can't or don't want to?" He snarked.

"Can't..." Sirius trailed off, eyes wide. Regulus chose to ignore him. He lightly traced his fingers down Sirius's sternum to his taut belly and then lower underneath the edge of his pants, savouring his brother's tense breath and slack expression. Those beautiful grey eyes, lids fluttering... Regulus swiftly unbuttoned him and pulled off his tight jeans, slowly at first, and then more quickly as the expanse of pale skin was revealed. He tossed the jeans onto the floor and got up only to lock the door. Sirius tried to get up, but his younger brother pressed him back down to the bed.

"Where are you going?" He murmured, more gently than he'd first intended. "You're not going anywhere, not without letting me show you how much I need you... want you. And how much you want and need me in return." He licked Sirius's cock slowly, from head to base, watching Sirius's expression go from worry to complete lust in only a few moments. In some ways, Regulus savoured the power he could hold over his brother, but knew that he was equally helpless in Sirius's capable hands.

He swallowed Sirius's impressive cock with aplomb, although he gagged slightly as the head hit the back of his mouth. He'd had plenty of practice, but still, his mouth wasn't quite big enough toaccommodate his brother's length. Sirius moaned, a deep throaty sound that caused Regulus's own member to jump. He reached down with one hand to free himself from his trousers, while still admirably sucking away.

"Ahhh... god, Reg..." Sirius groaned, hips bucking slightly. Regulus loved it when Sirius was submissive. The older boy was usually rather aggressive, but when he permitted Regulus to instigate, it was nothing short of pure bliss. Regulus rolled his tongue over the tip of Sirius's dick, and couldn't help but moan himself as Sirius let out a keening sound. God, he wanted him. He wanted to fuck his older brother into the mattress, remind him of why he couldn't leave, couldn't, leave him... This, this was sacred. This beauty in their beds, that was something no one could touch or steal. Everything else in his life was at the whims of madmen, but Sirius... Sirius was untouchable. Sirius was his... rock, his everything.

He pulled away slowly, leaving Sirius's rock hard erection in the cold air. Sirius panted as Regulus climbed up on the bed and moved his brother's legs up over his shoulders. He fumbled with the bottle of lube that Sirius kept on the bedside table, and dropped the lid on the bed, followed quickly by the tube. He pressed slicked fingers against Sirius's hole, watching Sirius's expression as he slid a digit in and brushed against the other boy's prostate. Sirius inhaled sharply, his eyes rolled up in his head.

"Fuck me, now," Sirius whispered. "Just do it. Do it. Please..." Regulus was a bit surprised. Usually Sirius liked to be teased, twisted and strung out, prepared and pampered before being taken. But Regulus knew better than to object, and his hands shook as he slicked himself with the lube. When he was adequately lubricated, he looked down at the pale body beneath him and felt his stomach clench. Why was he doing this? He wanted to know that Sirius still loved him. Was this love? It felt like love. Regulus couldn't think of another person for whom he felt infinite tenderness, endless compassion. It was just a sick joke of fate's that Sirius was his brother, and all this was wrong...

He pushed in, slowly at first, until the head had cleared the tight ring of muscles, and then he buried himself hilt deep in Sirius. He almost came from the ecstasy of warmth and contracting muscles, but he suspended himself over Sirius, arms locked and breathed deeply, attempting to control the waves of pleasure that were threatening to overwhelm him. Sirius waited, hands on his brother's hips, patient.

Regulus withdrew and pushed back in with precision, making sure to hit Sirius's sweet spot repeatedly.

"Faster, faster," Sirius begged. "Fuck me, Reg, fuck me."

Regulus was torn. On one hand, he wanted to fuck Sirius into the mattress, imprint himself on his brother's ass, so every time he sat down for the next three weeks he thought of him. On the other hand, he wanted exquisite tenderness, passionate love-making. Because that was what this was, making love. But perhaps sensing the desperation in Sirius's voice, he picked up his pace, and the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the air. Their grunts and moans, breathing and whimpers filled the space between them, and the thick air was peppered with words.

"Oh god, I'm gonna come," Sirius moaned, his hand clutching at Regulus's ass. "Fuck..." He came with a spasm of curses and whining noises that reminded Regulus of a dog. The tightening of his ass muscles sent Regulus towards the edge.

"Ah fuck, Sirius... Sirius..." Regulus could feel his balls begin to tighten. He let out a yelp as he thrust one final last time and then collapsed on top of Sirius, a quivering ball of nerves and exhausted energy.

They lay like that for what seemed like hours, sticky and entwined, Regulus still buried in his brother.

"I love you," Sirius murmured into Regulus chest, pressing warm lips against his brother's nipple. "I love you, I love you... But I can't stay."

Regulus closed his eyes, as if to press in the tears. No, of course he couldn't stay. But Regulus knew that he couldn't leave. And Sirius knew better than to think of asking. Not that they weren't both thinking it. What if Reg left with Sirius? What if they went and made a life together, somewhere else, somewhere where no one knew they were brothers. Where no one knew they weren't meant to be together.

\---------------

Regulus watched Sirius shower with post-coital sleepiness. He loved nothing more than watching Sirius walk around nude, penis flopping between his legs. There was something inherently graceful about the curve of his back, the swell of his ass, the dark hair that spread from his groin and up in a dark trail to his belly button. Dark hair downing the cheeks of his ass.

Was this the last time he'd watch his lover naked? The last time he could appreciate the beauty? He was so afraid, so afraid to lose this. To lose everything. Not just the sex. The sex was mind blowing, but it was the soul part that he knew would kill him. The connection of souls. The way their eyes met over the dinner table. The way Sirius would stroke the inside of his wrist and it would feel like he was touching his heart. How they would touch each other, locking eyes and pressing noses together, holding their breaths.

"What are you thinking about?" Sirius's words startled him slightly.

He shrugged. "I don't know. What... what I'm going to do without you." He turned over onto his stomach so that Sirius wouldn't see his face, with his down turned mouth and the crinkling between the eyes that signaled a bawling session. Sirius knew that face too well, and Regulus didn't want him to think him weak. He had just buried his face in his arms when a warm body pressed against him, droplets of water still left from the shower staining his skin.

"You'll be fine." Regulus knew that Sirius was only trying to help, but it was futile. Even Regulus knew that Sirius didn't know anything, wasn't sure of anything.

He was trying so hard not to cry that he let out a bark of a laugh instead, a harsh guttural sound that even scared himself. Sirius was silent, only stroking his hair with an internal peace that Regulus both hated and envied. How could he be so calm, facing their separation, perhaps forever?

"We'll see each other often," Sirius promised. "You can come stay with me, on the holidays, if you wish." They both knew that that would be impossible. "We'll hang out at school." Sirius hated his friends to remember that he had a brother, in Slytherin of all things. That wouldn't happen either. "We'll... meet up when you're out of school." Regulus knew that he would be dead by then: either by his own hand, or someone else's. This was it. And Regulus wanted nothing more than to die now, just so he wouldn't have to live through the agony of living without Sirius. This reminded him of the school year, where he would watch Sirius with longing and unabashed desire, and love. But now, there would be no hope of summer break where the could consummate their passion under the moonlight. There would be no chance of secret, dark trysts in the plum orchard.

This was it.

\---------------

Sirius felt his stomach twist and writhe as he watched Regulus. He crawled over onto the bed and put his head on his brother's back, trailing his hands over the smooth, unearthly pale skin. Sirius wasn't one to wax poetical, or talk much about emotions. That was Reg's sphere: Reg could articulate how he felt, and Sirius would usually nod and agree. Reg had a way of summing things up, things that Sirius could never find a way to put in words. It wasn't that he was stupid, it was just that he wasn't as in touch with his emotional range.

Regulus stirred up something in him. The slightest twitch of his generous mouth, an arch of his beautiful brow. Reg was something better than words, something indescribable . He knew it was love, but it wasn't like the love he had for James and Remus, and Peter. It was something different. It was an all encompassing adoration. He hated that word, adoration, but somehow it was the only way to even begin to express how he felt for Reg. He wanted to spend his nights and days curled in Reg's arms, entwined on the bed, nothing between them.

He had always thought there love was untouchable. He'd been wrong. He'd been so wrong. And now that he was the one leaving (he'd always imagined Regulus would tire of him) he couldn't help but hate himself, knowing that their sundering was his fault. Fate was a fickle bitch: heartless and offering no alternatives.

He was choosing his friends over his blood, over his brother.

And now he was guilty of the worst thing: breaking a heart. His own, and his brother's. For what? Camaraderie? Eternal friendship?

This was unforgivable, he was aware of that. This was sacrilege. This was cruelty in its worst form. This was tearing his own heart out. What choice did he have? Someone had to lose, and it would be him, always. And he had somewhere to turn: his friends. Not that he could tell them the extent of his attachment to his brother, there were some things even friendship could not accept. But he could turn to them in his moments of weakness. Where would Regulus turn? He didn't know. It wasn't his concern anymore. He had to be callous to draw up the courage to walk away. 


End file.
